Thoughts on Immigration: Living in Layers

Perhaps like you, I’ve been feeling all the feels as the landscape of the US, and its global ripple effects, reveals contrast, collective awakening, and deeply heartbreaking things. Each day asks for my presence, slowness and time in nature- particularly in water. My own life has felt like a microcosm of broader themes. 

Immigration

I am the first person in my matrilineal line to be born in North America. Different climate, food, language, and amounts of personal space and touch. I was raised by a white father and a gaggle of brown Filipina women—my mom, aunties, and their friends—who were loud, loving, great cooks, and a little dramatic. Family was broader than the nuclear, and extended beyond blood. Our home sometimes housed and employed immigrants whose papers had expired. And we’ve had family deported.

My favorite part of America is its mixture of cultures—and oh, how my heart can swell with pride and also break, sometimes in the same moment these days.

Womb connection

I feel a physical connection to my mother through my womb. I can sense how she’s doing- sometimes even before something occurs. Two days before I got the dreaded, “Please call. Urgent." text from my brother, I received a message from the cosmos, right before I fell asleep, telling me the exact location that one of my parents was suffering. So when the text arrived, my womb physically ached. For the first time, the idea of her no longer being here was not abstract, but real. Maybe you know this feeling: while my brother and I attended to all the urgent tasks at hand, a part of me was scanning each moment of my life, asking—have I loved her enough?
Things are thankfully more stable now. I had to pause for several days to attend to my womb, spirit and body, and integrate such love and such fear. 

Middle East 

My mother is now in the Middle East, visiting family. To be clear, traveling to a politically tense region a week after being on death’s doorstep is something I would totally do. But my God, this lady is fixing to give me a full head of grays.

Often, immigrants have to take big risks just to embrace their loved ones in person. My heart and womb are in deep conversation— my practice is to see her as a free-standing woman, respecting her determination to not make choices out of fear. It has taken great strength and self-compassion to hold this individual experience within the context of current global affairs. So, if you ever wonder where I got my stubbornness and spice, look no further than this 5'0" brown woman in heels.

Vulnerability as Strength

I share all of this because I believe in multidirectional healing and the healing power of Nature. I believe it is our birthright to connect with our bodies and to experience joy and pleasure in all its forms- even when life feels nuts.

The medicine I offer is the medicine I’ve received.
And when we tend to our spirit and nervous system, when we honor our story, we access something that stretches beyond time and space. Our internal shift can be felt by our ancestors, community, and by those not yet born.

My commitment to you, dear client, is to keep tending to myself so that the container I offer you is real, resourced, and trustworthy. You are always invited to bring your whole self into the room.

My meditation teacher shared this yesterday:  “Just below the layer of anger- including justifiable anger- is vulnerability. And that vulnerability is our greatest source of power and strength.

So, I offer this world my vulnerability.